Oh dear. I'm worried I may have made a humongous mistake. This teaching thing is so hard that I'm not sure I can do it. Wait. It's more like, I'm not sure I want to do it. On the good days, I really want to be a teacher--I'm pumped up at the thought of influencing a kid and I'm high off of the feeling I get when I see they are reading a book I suggested. But, on the bad days....I cry. I don't cry in front of the kids. Geez. I'm not that lame. Instead, I wait until they are all gone and then sit in the back of the room and let it all out. Last week I think I broke into tears a record-breaking 4 times.
It's not because I'm pregnant. I'm still pregnant, by the way. Most days I wear pants that are unzipped and/or jimmyrigged. I'm at that very awkward stage--the one where I'm not showing yet, but it's clear something is definitely gown awry in the weight department. I look puffy. So puffy.
I have Back to School Night tonight. This means that I'm here on campus until 9pm. I'm so excited about this. Doesn't anyone care that that's my bedtime? I go to bed at 9pm. I guess no one cares.
The last two days have been tough teaching days. My kids are really testing me. My juniors have a serious issue with falling asleep in class. Whenever they are working on something quietly or independently, I have a few who just can't keep their eyes open. I'm tried freezing them awake by keeping the room cold, but it's not working. Today I told them I was tired of babysitting them and they were going to start getting automatic detentions if they fall asleep. Becuase you know what? I'M TIRED TOO! But, I manage to stay awake all day.
My sophomores are just killing me all around. They are actually the ones who are making me rethink my calling. Perhaps I'm not meant to work with kids--maybe I don't have the patience for them. My sophomores are so social that if I put any one of them in a room with a rock, they'd manage to have a wonderful, thoughtful conversation. They'll talk to anyone--even themselves--especially themselves. The kicker though is the attitude they give you when they are disciplined. It's so awesome. I wish I could capture it on tape. The eye rolling especially.
Clearly, I'm discouraged. The first four weeks of teaching has been a struggle. This week isn't starting off much better. If I could go back and do the first few days over, I would. I'd pay someone to let me have those first few days back.
I'm so busy I can't even read blogs, let alone write on mine. I feel guilty sitting at a computer unless it is school related. I'm only blogging now because I'm procrastinating all the grading I have to do before I can start on my lesson plans for next week.
I'm out for now. I have to go eat something. I have a growing baby in my belly to think about.
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6 comments:
It's good to finally hear from you. I guess after this semester you will be at home and able to decide if teaching is really something you want to pursue.
I fell asleep sometimes during class in high school. Only when movies were on though. But I am glad I didn't get sent to detention! When will you find the sex of your baby?
So you might think this is weird consdering we don't know each other, but I am a friend of Lindsey's and I saw your blog though hers. I noticed it because you were from Sac. (I live in Folsom) I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I did my student teaching about 2 years ago in Elk Grove when I was pregnant in high school and it was rough. But I promise it gets better! The kids this age are little snots, but I bet they love you anyway! I just wanted to know that I went through the same thing you did and just to hang in there because i promise it gets better! And you might even miss it just a little when you are home with the baby. :)
Aubree
Wow, I was so surprised you blogged. I'm sorry you're students are being lame. I am sure, postive in fact, that they love you. I remember being in high school and being so exhausted in class and hating having to sit there, but I still loved my teachers. Anyways, it wasn't that long ago for me so I get it. Hope your baby is doing well. Please call me when you find out what it is. See you at Thanksgiving!!
Hi Jen - It's Delynn's friend again. So glad to finally hear how you are. I have been pestering Delynn with my concerns about you. After eleven years in high school English classrooms, I have a pretty accurate idea of what you are dealing with, and the potential can be pretty awful. Even after all that time, there were days when I could not believe they were actually paying me for such a gratifying experience and other days when I thought no amount of money in the world would make it worth it.
I taught seniors for years, and many of them stay up half the night because of work or whatever. One girl told me that she talked to her boyfriend most of the night on her cell phone under the bedcovers. At that age, parents have pretty much checked out of the picture with regard to such behavior. Anyway, it would be amazing if some of them did not fall asleep, no matter how fascinating your lesson is. Just keep teaching as you walk around the room and nudge the offenders as nonchalantly as possible.
With regard to sophomores, well, you are pretty much dealing with the worst age level possible. The word "sophomoric" did not come about by accident. For the most part, these are clueless people who believe they know it all. Many of them are actually engaged in what you are dishing out, but to let on would be a social faux pas, so you will never be allowed to know.
Anyway, hang in there and don't let those yahoos get you down. Student teaching is dreadfully challenging at best, but your reward will be that you may learn as much from them as they do from you and emerge a stronger person for it.
Jen,
Student teaching is not like having your own classroom. Teaching with your own students is so much better. Teaching is the greatest job in the world. Maybe you could liven things up a bit with a round of "To Tell the Truth" like Mr. Endres used to do. It was fun and a great outlet for creativity. Plus, it will be an incentive that takes the focus off of you.
Haley
have Ryan be a guest motavational speaker...he will whip them into shape.
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