Yes, I'm pregnant.

I've been getting all kinds of phone calls and emails saying, "No way!" and "Are you serious?"

Yes, we are very serious. See that picture up there, that is what our baby looks like right now. A little funny looking if you ask me, but a living thing nonetheless. At this point, there's nothing to do but get fat and learn to like it.

My thoughts about this whole thing are jumbled, so my posts will no doubt be the same. I have all kinds of crazy things going through my head at any one moment. Be patient with me.

We found out not long after my period didn't show up in July--the usual way to find out one is pregnant. It's true when they say, "It only takes once." We are proof of that. I really does only take once. With Ryan's travel schedule the past two months, it's a miracle we even got pregnant in the first place. Rest assured, it's Ryan's baby.

Ryan and I have always wanted kids, but we weren't sure when we would start having them. There's never a right time, is there? Last month, we decided not to try to get pregnant, but to not NOT try either. Does that make sense? We just forgot about logistics and went with it. "It" stuck. I'm due in March 2007. I'm about 7 weeks. We tried to wait until the first trimester was over to tell people, but it didn't work. We tried to at least only tell our family and try to hold out a little longer to post about it or to tell co-workers. It was a lame idea. I'd hear Ryan in the other room talking on the phone saying, "Hey, great news...Jen's pregnant." Later, when I asked him who he had told he told me it was colleague of his in New York. This same scenario played out about 38 times--only it wasn't just clients in New York anymore--it was clients EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE, co-workers, ALL family members, and neighbors. My mom did the same thing Ryan did. When we told her the news a few weeks ago, we also mentioned that we were planning on waiting a few more weeks to tell everyone, so if she wouldn't mind just keeping it to herself a little while longer. Nope. That was clearly too much to ask. She promptly went in to work the next day and told everyone she came in contact with . She said she needed help deciding what she will be called. I guess she's decided on Abuelita because that's how she answers the phone when I call her now. Forget the fact that she is not Mexican, nor does she speak a lick of Spanish. But, Abuelita is what she has chosen. Ryan has answered his phone once or twice this way when I've called: "Yes, this is your baby's daddy."

Needless to say, it's out there for the world to know. I'm glad because I've been anxious to blog about it and I was starting to forget who we had told and who we hadn't. It's a funny thing to tell people you're pregnant. People are happy and very congratulatory, but I feel silly considering there is nothing to see and our baby is really just a large cluster of cells (Well, now it's more the size of a sesame seed, but regardless...).

I've had some major boating issues. According to my reading, it's due to bowel dissemination. Ok. Whatever. I've also had a little issue with gas--nothing too smelly, but it really hurts. I've been laying on my left side a lot and trying to stay far, far away from fatty food, and other foods that cause gas and bloating. Today's been an ok day. I don't feel like I gained 25 pounds overnight like I have feeling most other days. Water is the key, I think. I've been drinking it like nobody's business. Last night, I had to get up and go pee about 17 times. Annoying.

So far, the worst of it has been related to my chest area (boobs). I cannot really afford to grow much more in this area, if you know what I mean. However, it's happening, and so I better just find a way to deal with it. I CANNOT believe how much it hurts to take my bra off at the end of the day. I have to do it so slowly and meticulously so as not to shock myself when the support is released. It's out of control. They throb like crazy and I think I'm going to have to start doubling up on my sports bras during my workouts. Enough about that, eh?

We are very excited. We are. But, let's face it, getting used to the idea of having a baby is a trip. We've been on our own for so long, whether it was as single individuals, or as a married couple. We've had the convenience of coming and going when we please, traveling our brains out, and basically doing whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do it. Not being able to do this will take a little getting used to, I think. But, it will be a good thing. We're ready.

I think.

I hope.

I've also had some slight emotional bouts regarding my career path. I've put soooo much time and energy into finishing school and getting credentialed. And now that I'm finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and even a prospective PAYCHECK, that's all having to be reassessed. I may not work for a while after this final semester of my program and that makes me a little bit sad. I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a stay-at-home mom. I don't think I'll be very good at it. I worry that the constant pressure to be there for something that is depending on me will just be too much. I know that everyone says being a mom is the greatest feeling in the world--and I'm sure it is--but until I am one, all I can think about is what I'll be giving up. This is a very selfish outlook, I realize this. Don't hold me to anything I say here, I'm pregnant and so my emotions are very fragile and my thoughts on this entire experience are in a constant state of ebb and flow. I'm happy, I'm sad. I'm excited, I'm nervous. I'm fat, I'm even fatter.

Let's not even talk about the closet full of teacher clothes (very hip ones at that) I will NOT be able to wear. I'll most likely start showing before I even see my students at the end of the month. I guess I'll return the pair of Sevens I bought last month. I won't be able to fit my ankle into them come another few weeks.

Being pregnant is a total trip and I'm not even showing yet. Fun times ahead.

Ryan has been taking excellent care of me, btw. He's going to be the best dad.